Get Out!!!

 ****TRIGGER WARNING ABUSE MENTIONED****

This blog won't be the easiest to read for some of you but I feel it should be put out there and my therapist believes telling part of my story will help me in the long run. This will be hard for me as well so bare with me as we all go on this journey together. Also this is not now, this relationship I am going to talk about is with my ex.

 Abuse can happen to anyone and can be done in so many ways. There is the physical abuse then there is the verbal and mental. None of them are easy to deal with and anyone who is stuck in one or all of those situations should leave as soon as they possibly can before it gets worse because believe me it DOES get worse. You can't change that person no matter how much you try or how much you think you love them, nothing will help or change who they really are as a person so it's best to just get out of the situation.

Being told to leave was one of the best advice I was ever given and I wish with all of my being that I had left sooner. For me though I gave excuses as to why I couldn't just up and leave, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he would change if I just did the right thing and loved him harder. Now just as I said in the previous paragraph they don’t change! He never changed like I thought he would. Instead the abuse just got worse and worse and worse until something bad happened and I finally had my eyes opened and got out of my horrible situation.

The abuse started with little things that I didn't recognize at first or just brushed it off as him having a bad day and needing someone to take it out on. I let him use me as his verbal human punching bag and just took it because I thought it would make him feel better and make us last longer as well as make our relationship stronger. To me that was “communicating”. Later on I realized that that was not at all communication and was small verbal abuse that was happening to me and I shouldn’t have let it keep going on like that. To be fair this was my first relationship where I dealt with an abuse situation like this so I had no idea how to handle it or even approach the situation to get him to stop or at least see how he was making me feel. 

He moved me out of my moms house into our own apartment and that's where the abuse got bad but not the worst of it. Now that he had me away from my family, he had more control over me. I didn’t have a vehicle at the time and he did so I really couldn’t go anywhere unless I asked him to take me, asked to use the car, or had someone come pick me up.I did get to go with him sometimes to do uber eats or whatever delivery app he was doing that day just so I wouldn’t be sitting at home alone everyday but I basically did sit at home a lot with nothing to do. It did get lonely but it wasn’t the loneliest I’d been because that point is later on in this story. He started not wanting to do things with my parents like going out to eat with them or spending time with my grandparents on holidays. He was slowly taking me away from everyone I knew, loved and felt safe around and at the time I didn’t even see it. He always gave me reasons why he didn’t wanna go to dinner and I just went with it because I didn’t want to upset him. Sometimes I’d go alone to dinner because I missed them but when I got home it was like I was in trouble and the verbal abuse would happen more. 

The worst was 2019 Christmas.. That year I got an early Christmas gift from my Gammaw which was a hair curler I always wanted. It was one of those fancy ones where you put your hair inside it and it pulls it through heating it while curling it. It was supposed to make the whole curling process shorter. So that morning which was Christmas morning I was the first one up so I decided to let him sleep in some and I would do my hair and makeup for the day since we were going to his mom and step dads house then over to my Grandparents house for the family Christmas with my whole family. Well he woke up and got upset with me because I was doing my makeup and hair instead of opening presents and checking my stocking. Which instantly set the whole entire mood for the rest of the day. He was mad at me to where he didn’t really want to talk to me or honestly have anything to do with me. We still went to his Mothers house and it was awkward because she knew he was in a pissed off mood at me but couldn’t understand why he was because the whole thing was petty and shouldn’t have been an issue in the first place. After his mothers house which felt like it took forever because he wanted nothing to do with me still we went over to my Grandparents house and by then I was feeling sick to my stomach and had a very bad headache. I tried to eat but my stomach wasn’t having it so my Momaw let me go lay down on their bed in their bedroom. Well after he was done eating and my family was cleaning the kitchen and getting ready to open presents he came into the bedroom with me and started yelling at me. Telling me that I had no reason to be sick, that I needed to suck it up, get back in the living room with my family or we were gonna leave and he was going to leave me. By this time I was just in tears because he had never yelled at me before like he did, especially so loud my entire family could hear and possibly the neighbors. It was very embarrassing and I really just wanted the day to be over. I was honestly scared to leave with him but I didn’t know what else to do. After we finished at my Grandparents, he and I went back home, which it still wasn’t better between us so I just went to bed. The crazy thing though was by the next day he was fine and acted like nothing ever happened.

By 2020 he had moved me to Galveston Tx about an hour from my entire family. In my mind I thought we were just moving to be by the beach and try living the island life. His reasons for moving there was that we could use some change in our lives and that it would help our relationship grow stronger so I just went along with it. Little did I know that moving there with him was one of the worst mistakes I’d probably ever done. At first it was not that bad he always started off sweet and acted like he cared which made me really think that he did care and that everything I was doing was finally enough for him. That phase was soon over and the verbal abuse which turned into mental abuse started back up again. Since I was so far away from my family I was literally stuck at home 24/7. At first I didn’t mind it but after a while I started to get really really lonely. By this time we had been living there a couple months and he wasn’t allowing me to go with him anymore on his uber trips or again whatever delivery app he was doing that day. I would barely get out of the house, I basically had to beg him to bring me with him which then he would start telling me all these reasons why I couldn’t come like I would complain to much and want him to take me home, or that I would ask to much for food when we would stop to pick up someones order (which I would ask for one thing around lunch time so I wouldn’t lose my energy for the rest of the day). I was always put down and basically told I was more of a bother to him than help so eventually I just stopped asking him all together. 

Soon he started coming home later and later and later, then he started hiding his phone from me. I wasn’t allowed to even touch it or look to see what time it was. He always told me that he wasn’t hiding anything he just wanted privacy since he had nothing to himself now that we lived together… Eventually I just let it go because it wasn’t worth the mental hurt I was suffering from. The fighting by this time was horrible.. He would get so mad at me when I needed to go to the emergency room due to my liver stuff or if I needed my routine procedure for my ERCP. He would tell me how he wasn’t taking me and that I needed to just uber myself there which became very expensive for me due to the fact I am only on disability. He stopped coming with me to the ER or even the procedures. Driving me into Katy was a no go as well even though I needed the ride there since I didn’t have a car and you would think that that isn’t too much to ask when you’re romantically involved with someone but it was.. It became like I was walking on eggshells around him, I couldn’t do or say anything right anymore and I felt trapped.

I was able to get out finally months later when I found out he had been cheating on me and had made up a whole other life with this girl that didn’t even live in TEXAS! Once I found that out I called my sister immediately and told her I needed her and my mom as well as whoever else could help come and get me the next day because I was just done. Of course me confronting him didn’t go over well. He called me all the names in the book and told me how I couldn’t trust him (which was true I couldn’t) that nobody would want me because of how my body has my scars and stretch marks on it. He didn’t even tell me sorry for anything he did or for wasting basically 3 years of my life. Leaving was one of the hardest but easiest things I have ever done. Once I was finally out of there I felt this instant pressure released from my chest and it was like I could breathe again that I wasn’t holding my breath anymore… I realized I was finally free from my abuser and from that entire life once and for all.

It's been months now that I have been out of my abuse situation and I am doing really good. I go to therapy to help with the anxiety attacks I get from time to time and the nightmares I get every now and then. She was one of the people who told me that writing this for yall may help me let go of everything more and feel even more free from it. I do still suffer from the emotional scars he left on me but I am learning to work through them one day at a time.

My goal is still to post once a week lol!

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I love y’all

Love, Kayla